


Truth or Truth

by SoonerOrLater



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bisexuality, Coffee, Coming Out, Falling In Love, Family History, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Hangover, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Relationship Development, Slow Burn, The Housewarming, drinking game, pansexuality, post episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 09:01:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25847008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoonerOrLater/pseuds/SoonerOrLater
Summary: After Patrick's Housewarming David decides he's not done with party games, so they play a game of Truth or Dare without the dare. Because what good high school party doesn't end with sharing dark secrets in dark corners?  while Patrick realises it's ok to ask questions. And that maybe they really did meet at exactly the right time.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 34
Kudos: 213





	Truth or Truth

**Author's Note:**

> Post episode for The Housewarming, so spoilers for everything to that point. I am new to Schitt's Creek so anything that contradicts in S5/6 apologies, I haven't got there yet...

David arrived back from taking the trash out with a flourish. Disappointedly nobody was there to witness as Patrick was in the bathroom- thankfully now with the door firmly on- he absently went to the fridge in search of whatever snacks had made it back in there. His eyes widened when he spotted a tray balanced on top of the dip he was looking for. 

‘Didn’t run off then’ Patrick said coming into the kitchen. 

‘Not yet’ David said, backing out of the fridge. ‘Look what I found!’

He backed out and showed- with the kind of flourish he’d wanted from his entrance- the remaining Jello shots. 

Patrick screwed up his nose ‘Ew David no. No more drink’ 

David held up a finger. ‘I have a plan’

‘Of course you do’

‘A game’ 

‘Because games have gone so well for you tonight’ Patrick filled a glass with water ‘It’s late, we’ve both already drunk waaaay to much.’ 

‘What good high school party stops when they’ve had too much? or when everyone has gone home?’ David moved closer waving the tray at Patrick who recoiled a bit. ‘And’ he pointed at the shots ‘Games not going my way are exactly why I’m proposing this’ 

Patrick cocked his head. ‘What exactly are you proposing?’

‘Truth or dare, without the dare’ 

‘So ‘Truth’’ Patrick asked. 

David sighed. ‘For each shot you get to ask a question, and the other person has to give an honest answer’ 

‘Because we normally lie to each other?’

‘Pat-rick’ David jiggled the Jello shots at him, ‘Look didn’t you ever have that end of a party, you’re in a dark corner with someone, having that deep teenage conversation where you learn about like their soul’ he jiggled the tray hopefully. 

‘Nope’ Patrick smirked. ‘By the end of a party I was making out in my car with someone.’

David scowled, ‘Oh I’m sure your car was like, the coolest’

‘Seemed to work alright on you.’ He leaned on the counter folding his arms. 

David put his free hand on his hip. ‘I think, if you recall, I kissed you. For which you were grateful.’

Patrick tried to keep up his facade of superiority but he buckled. ‘Yes, yes I was.’ He leaned forward and kissed David. 

‘You really want to play this?’

David nodded, like a kid wanting to play with a new toy. 

Patrick exhaled. ‘Fine. But you are going out for breakfast tomorrow when we’re both hungover as shit’

David screwed up his nose and smiled ‘Ok!’ and bounced to the sofa. Patrick knew in that instant he was the one dragging himself to the Cafe for coffee and the most grease laden breakfast Twyla could offer tomorrow. He dropped his head, refilled his water and followed David to the sofa. Turning off the overhead light on the way past so just the table lamps illuminated the room. 

‘Mood lighting.’ He offered, ‘For your dark corner conversations’ a beat ‘Did you do that? Have deep meaningful conversations at parties?’

‘Yes.’ David said thoughtfully, ‘But only with my friend Mary, who always came with me. And only because none of the cool kids would talk to us.’ he tried not to think too hard about standing in dark corners of parties being ignored by all the cool kids. 

Patrick leaned over and kissed David’s nose. ‘Bless’

David swatted him off. ‘Ok there’s 10 left. So five each’

‘This is why I do the numbers isn’t it?’

‘Shut up. And yes’

Patrick pulled his legs under him and sat sideways crossed legged while David sat legs crossed sideways on the sofa twisted to face him. ‘Ok how does this work?’ 

David paused, thinking. Given he’d made this up about 3 minutes ago. ‘Just take the ‘Dare’ out of truth or dare. For every shot you get to ask the other person a ‘Truth’ and they have to answer it’ 

Patrick nodded slowly. ‘Seems straightforward enough.’ though he had to admit his head was slightly spinning already, it had been a while since he’d been to any kind of party and he had drunk a lot more than his usual ‘two beer Friday’. He rubbed his face with his free hand trying to focus. ‘ Who goes first?’

‘Me’ David said. 

‘Why am I not surprised.’ Patrick said. Settling back into the sofa. ‘Ok go on then. Down it and hit me.’ 

‘Is that your RnB album title?’ David spent way too long selecting a shot, and even longer downing it. He fixed Patrick with a stare. 

‘Most outrageous place you’ve had sex’

‘Oh you’re starting big.’ 

‘Mmm hmm’ 

Patrick considered carefully. Which of his options would suitably scandalise. ‘Under the bleachers, baseball diamond, college, sophomore year.’

‘So, you ARE a Jock’

Patrick took a swig of his water nonchalantly, ‘During a game’

David’s jaw dropped. Actually dropped. He blinked slowly considering the image. Patrick gave him a smile. David narrowed his eyes refusing to give in to the jolt of electricity that gave him. Instead with a toss of his head. He sometimes worried his own outlandish past was a bit too much for Patrick but seeing a hint of something else from him was, he had to admit exciting. 

‘Ok you go.’ He inhaled a jello shot. And waited. 

Patrick thought for a moment, then with a mischievous grin; ‘What is the most you have ever spent on a sweater?’

David looked aghast. Then pouted. ‘I don’t know, how much have you spent on white t shirts and mid-range jeans?’ 

‘Ooh burn!’ Patrick said in a passable Alexis impression. ‘And it’s your game. Answer.’

‘Do gifts count?’

Patrick considered. ‘Yes. But I also want to know how much YOU personally have spent.’

David screwed up his nose. ‘Ok fine.’ he thought for a second. ‘So I had this super rare Versace one, that was a gift, because it was never even available in stores, but I like totally rescued a model who shall remain anonymous to protect his privacy from a very potentially damaging situation’

‘It’s ok I really don’t want to know’ Patrick said sipping his water, ‘How much. Come on.’

David looked down fiddling with his pajamas. ‘Two thousand dollars’

‘I’m sorry what?’ 

He huffed. ‘Two thousand dollars’

Patrick’s eyes widened. ‘My first car cost half that’

‘Was that the car you spent hours making out with people in?’

‘Worth every penny.’ He smirked triumphant. ‘You do know you can get sweaters for like, forty dollars?’

David reached over and squeezed his arm ‘And they look just precious on you.’

‘You know sometimes.’ Patrick said leaning in conspiratorially, ‘You sound just like your sister’ he tapped David’s knee. ‘Fuck it. I’m getting a beer’

‘You take that BACK!’ David exclaimed, ‘And what happened to ‘we’ve drunk too much’’ 

‘I’m driving into the skid,’ he said. ‘If we’re doing this, I need beer.’ He got to the fridge, ‘You want?’

David leaned backwards looking up at him upside down ‘Do we have any wine?’

‘We have a whine-er’ Patrick said sticking his head inside the fridge and picking through the questionable party leftovers ‘We have’ he said emerging ‘The dregs of questionable white.’ He shut the fridge door ‘But I know you aren’t fussy in that respect’

‘Hilarious’ David rolled his eyes and took the wine and plastic glass Patrick had grabbed from the counter. 

Patrick took a swig of the beer. ‘Ok next.’ a beat ‘Also shouldn’t WE be answering these questions ourselves?’

‘That wasn’t the game’ David said deadly serious. 

‘But you made the game up.’ Patrick said just as seriously. ‘And now I’ve thought about it, I need to know. Most outrageous place you’ve had sex. Go.’ 

David’s mouth quirked and Patrick was sure he was going to regret the answer to this question. Mainly as it was likely to be on the yacht of some celebrity he’d never heard of. 

‘Ok.’ David said slowly, as Patrick took a swig of beer in preparation, ‘The art room. my ‘ he paused to think ‘Second High School’ 

Patrick snorted into his beer. ‘That’s it?’ he smiled a bit triumphant, ‘The most outrageous place you’ve had sex was sneaking off in High School?’ 

‘I got caught’ he pouted. 

‘Still David, I must say, I’m a tad disappointed at the great Rose name’ 

‘It’s the other Rose sibling that is famed for her sexual exploits thank you very much. And we have the injunctions to stop the tapes coming out to prove it.’ 

‘Oh there’s a detail I didn't need to know’ 

‘Yes, well there’s a tape I didn't’ need to see either’ David sipped his wine. ‘What can I say I’m like totally vanilla, either a bed, the back of a car or a club bathroom. Very occasionally outdoors. Or in a store cupboard.’

‘When I suggested the storecupboard you declared it ‘unsanitary’ 

‘After you need a tetanus shot from two others you get wary’

‘I am not going to ask.’ 

David screwed up his nose in an indication this was for the best. Relieved Patrick hadn’t dug any deeper into his previous exploits. As much as there was variety he had always been cautious in many ways...the numbers were high, but as he’d alluded to, compared to his sister, he was positively conservative. It was time to steer things in a different direction. What was Truth or Dare without getting to ask the things you’d been wanting to after all. 

‘My turn!’ he said triumphant, taking a shot. ‘What did...little Patrick want to be when he grew up?’

Patrick smiled, one of those genuine heart warming smiles that melted David’s heart, even when he didn’t know what it was about. 

‘What?’ he asked. 

‘Well.’ Patrick said, smiling still ‘Really little Patrick wanted to be a baseball player. Actually even college age Patrick thought there might still be a tiny glimmer of a chance at the minors’

‘I don’t know what that means’ 

‘But.’ he said, drinking and smiling again, ‘Ever since I took a business course in High School, I always wanted my own business’

‘What kind of business?’ David frowned, still not quite getting it. 

‘Oh gee I don't know, just a business, you know like a store or something.’ 

David looked confused for a second, then his face started doing that thing where he was trying not to smile, but failing so it escaped from half of his mouth. ‘So this was like your, dream-dream’ 

‘Did I see myself selling body milk and hand cream?’ Patrick mused, ‘Probably not.’ he leaned over so he was next to David, ‘But otherwise? It's pretty much the dream.’

David’s face dissolved into a grin and he hugged Patrick’s neck tightly. ‘Gee Patrick I’m so glad you invested in my business and made it the success it is’

‘Still a bold claim’ David muttered into his neck. Then pulled back. ‘But wait is it really? The ‘dream’’ he made air quotes. 

Patrick’s eyes narrowed for a second not sure if he was being made fun of, deciding David was sincere he exhaled and looked down. ‘When I was a kid, well in high school, I decided all I wanted was a successful business, and a successful relationship.’ David’s face did the thing again. ‘Some days...I think it’s going ok’

‘Some days?’ David looked indigent. 

‘Well you know’ Patrick said his mischievous look back, ‘it’s still relatively early days for the business, you never know if people will go off body milk’

‘Is that so?’ David said with a raised eyebrow. ‘We’ll just have to keep reminding them that body milk is, really, really good for you’ 

‘Oh it is.’ Patrick said quietly, ‘I’m learning that’ 

They kissed, slowly, gently and just when it threatened to turn into something else and derail the game, David pulled back. Picking up the tray of shots. ‘Next!’ he declared triumphant. 

‘You’re enjoying this.’

‘I really am’ 

Patrick took a shot. Then paused ‘Wait. You didn’t answer. What on earth did a young David Rose want to be?’

David waved his hand, ‘Oh you know, just the usual, backing singer- first for Janet, then Mariah, with a brief J-Lo period in between, it was the 00s after all.’ he took a long drink of wine. 

‘David’

It had been long enough that David knew that version of his name was one he wasn’t going to be allowed to ignore. He looked down into his drink. Thinking about how to say it. ‘I guess, I sort of wanted to own a business too.’ he said into his wine. 

Patrick frowned. Puzzled by why this was clearly a difficult thing to confess- honestly in retrospect he’d have thought the art room thing was less likely to be confessed. ‘But didn’t you have art galleries for a while?’ David nodded and hummed into his wine. 

‘It never really took’ he said, finally looking up. ‘Call it my 20-something rebellion against what I was meant to do all along’

‘You were meant to run a general store?’ Patrick was genuinely puzzled. ‘Oh.’ the penny dropped ‘Running stores.’ 

David nodded. ‘People always assume I want to be just like Mom because well’ he gestured at himself. ‘And I am like her-sorry about that-’

‘Hey I’ve made my peace with a wig collection in my future’

‘This fine head of hair is inherited from my Dad and is staying thank you very much.’ He patted his hair- now something of a mess- paused and looked down at his wine, ‘But actually I sort of always wanted to be like my Dad.’ David took a huge swig of his wine.

‘Does he know that?’ 

‘God no’ David said, swallowing. ‘He’d be horrified and I would be mortified’ 

Patrick smiled at the drama. ‘His son took being exiled to...well here, and turned it into having a successful business. I don’t think there’s much to be mortified about there.’ 

David straightened up a bit. ‘You think we’re successful?’

‘No getting cocky.’ Patrick said. ‘But didn’t Rose Video start as just one small store?’

‘Yeah I guess’ 

‘Well there you go.’

‘Huh.’ David had never really thought about it that way. He assumed his Dad hadn’t either. But maybe he was doing better than he thought. ‘I am however still the very worst of my parents’ He said. 

‘Aren’t we all’ Patrick said with a slight sigh, leaning against the sofa. David reached over and rubbed his knee. Frowning slightly. Patrick shook his head. And somehow David knew better than to push that. Patrick took a sip of his beer then downed a shot of jello. 

‘Right. Easy one.’ he declared snapping himself out of it. ‘First celebrity crush. Mariah doesn’t count.’

‘Ok firstly Mariah is a goddess and we would not be denigrating her to the simple level of a crush for a start’ David ignored the face Patrick made to that, then considered for a moment. ‘Jennifer Aniston’

Patrick laughed. 

‘What?!’ David was deeply offended, ‘As a child of the 90s, what was I supposed to do. Also she's like super nice.’ 

Patrick rolled his eyes. Of course David had met his childhood crush. ‘David I’m laughing because, same.’ 

‘Should we maybe be distrubed by that?’ David wondered aloud. 

‘I think we can just assume we watched the same popular sitcom at an impressionable age.’ Patrick chuckled. 

‘Important question’ David looked very serious. ‘Which one of the boys?’

Patrick frowned ‘Character or actor?’ 

David considered ‘Character’

‘Chandler’ 

David looked stunned ‘Chandler?!’ 

‘I’ve always been a sucker for the awkward weirdo’ Patrick’s face was completely deadpan. 

‘You think you’re hilarious’ 

‘I think I’m right’ 

David twisted around away from him in what Patrick hoped was mock-huff. He shimmied closer and wrapped his arms around him from behind. ‘C’mon’ he said softly into his ear ‘Chandler is the funny, creative one...also he was utterly LOADED until he foolishly quit his job’ Patrick nuzzled his ear. ‘And that makes me Monica. Fussy, wants everything done right, impeccably neat and clean.’

David hummed. ‘Hmm that does sound about right’ he turned back slightly ‘Though I was clearly Joey in my twenties’ 

‘Oh I know.’ Patrick planned a kiss on his ear and pulled back, slightly triumphant to have won the battle- though he sensed not the war- over ‘what ‘Friends’ character are you’ 

‘One day’ David mused ‘we need to have a very serious discussion about which Downton Abbey character we are.’ 

‘Oh that’s easy.’ Patrick declared, ‘I’m the roguish Irish Chauffeur who works his way into the aristocracy’ David raised an eyebrow, ‘Though sadly for you, it does mean you die tragically in childbirth. But I at least get the life I am entitled to.’

David huffed. ‘This sounds like you’ve given it some thought’ 

‘Oh I take this very seriously’ Patrick said with only an edge of mock sincerity. ‘Though clearly you are Lady Mary.’ 

‘Well we shall just see about that.’ David said. And Patrick knew he had given him the answer he’d wanted. David swung his legs onto the sofa and onto Patrick’s lap. He could feel the late hour and the substantial amount of drink hitting him. Suddenly he was very sleepy. And hungry. Surely the hangover couldn’t be kicking in while he was still drunk, and drinking? Best to take preemptive measures. He nudged Patrick with a foot. 

‘I’m starving’ he muttered. ‘Find me some food?’

‘You are closer to the kitchen than I am’ Patrick complained ‘And you literally just put your feet on me.’ 

A pause of tipsy stalemate, with some very sluggish pushing back and fore, followed but a stubborn silence. Patrick sighed ‘Fuck it. I’m hungry now too.’ he swung David’s feet off him with dramatic flair, and traipsed to the kitchen. He pulled open the fridge knowing it was currently a mess of party leftovers and not much else. He rummaged noisily among the mess muttering curses to himself. 

‘Hurry up!’ whined David behind him. Patrick flicked one hand back and flipped him off. Finally among half eaten dip he found what he was searching for. The glorious, half eaten, two day old but still good, Mac and Cheese that had been his post run dinner two nights ago. He peeled off the foil wrapping and debated eating it cold but instead he shoved it in the microwave. 

‘I’ve got it!’ exclaimed David. ‘Next question’ He leaned sideways on the end of the sofa, somehow resembling a dog lolling on a seat. 

‘Favourite food’ 

Patrick leaned back against the counter. ‘David that doesn’t seem a very ‘truth or dare’ kind of question. That seems like a ‘first date’ kind of question.’

‘In my defence, I wasn’t even sure our first date was our first date and we ate at the cafe so…’

Patrick nodded. ‘Point taken.’ 

‘So like really favorite food. Like Death Row favourite’

‘Well that’s a cheery thought for 2am!’ Patrick clicked open the microwave and gave the mac and cheese a stir. Lukewarm. He finished the bite and shoved it back in. 

‘Well?’ David was impatient. As ever. 

Patrick thought. ‘Grilled cheese’

‘Huh’ David mused. 

‘I’m a simple guy David. I suppose yours would be like quail egg duck soup from...I dunno some famous chef.’

He retrieved the mac and cheese, scooted a tea towel under it and grabbed an extra fork and headed back to the couch. Sitting a bit closer to David now to share the bowl he handed him a fork.

‘You’ve seen me eat, all manner of trash-’

‘Sometimes literally’ 

‘-I’m not that fancy’ David took a bite of the mac and cheese and moaned in a way that was, frankly, sexual. ‘This.’ he said, spooning more of it into his mouth ‘This right here is my favourite.’ he carried on eating like a man possessed. 

‘You’re just drunk’

‘Drunk and hungry’ 

Patrick smiled, and pushed David’s fork out of his way to attack the bowl. ‘I mean it’s pretty darn good I have to say’ for a few contented moments there was silence while they ate, occasional clinking of forks as they did battle for the most cheesy pasta per bite. They did a silent battle for the last bite, David somehow leveraging it at the last second. Looking smug, he raised an eyebrow, then held out his fork offering it to Patrick. Who took it, shyly. He wasn’t used to having anyone feed him, and it was an odd, but not unpleasant feeling. 

‘This. This is my favourite.’ David said. Patrick put down the bowl and downed his shot. 

Patrick leaned on him, full of cheese and pasta, and beer and...whatever else he’d put in his stomach that night. The evening, and the room was getting a bit hazy. And David was warm and comfortable...he kicked his legs up on the sofa and nestled in a bit. He felt David’s arm circle around his waist and he got pulled into his lap a bit more. He closed his eyes. 

‘Hey’ David said into his hair ‘Don’t go falling asleep on me, we’re not done. 3 shots more to go.’

Patrick held his stomach. ‘Ugh I can’t I physically can’t.’ he ran a hand along David’s thigh. ‘But I will play the game. Just no shots’

‘Oh thank god’ David said. ‘One more blue one and I’d have thrown up’

‘Oooh that’s a good one’ Patrick chuckled ‘Most embarrassing vomit story’ 

‘Ugh’ David said, wrinkling his nose, sometimes, just sometimes his boyfriend could be such a ...boy. He thought for a moment, irritatingly there were many contenders, he and tequila had not been friends between 2002 and 2007, likewise a roommate with a love of lemon vodka in college had not lessened the number of vomit stories in David’s history. Then he realised which one Patrick would love the best. 

‘You know that charming performance you witnessed, with my Mother?’ 

Patrick chucked, his eyes closed now on David’s chest. ‘Oh yes.’

David sighed. ‘One Christmas, it...well it got cut short.’ 

Patrick’s eyes flew open. ‘Oh no you did not’

David closed his eyes at the memory. ‘I did’

‘Where?’

‘In our house. In front of everyone.’ 

‘No I mean, ‘where’ did the vomit go. Oh god’ Patrick sat up excited, ‘Did it go on your Mom’s wig? Did she kill you?’ he actually giggled. Clearly the last of the sugar and food colouring, as well as vodka was kicking in. 

David couldn’t help but laugh in return. Also in the picture Patrick had clearly curated of his home life with Moira Rose. ‘Better’ he said, knowing Patrick was going to love this. 

‘Your sweater?’

David closed his eyes and nodded. ‘It was white. Limited edition. The vomit was...red’

‘Festive’ Patrick laughed. 

‘My Mom carried on singing’ 

Patrick dissolved into laughter, leaning into the sofa for support. ‘I’m sorry’ he wheezed, but the idea of little David, covered in vomit while your Mom valiantly carried on is …’ he couldn’t finish for laughing. 

‘It was 2014’

It shouldn’t have been as amusing as it was, but the image of 30 year old David covered in Red vomit while singing the Christmas number with his Mom was too much. 

For a second David was horrified at Patrick’s amusement, but after another moment the hilarity was infectious. The image, and indeed the pictures Alexis so kindly took, were hilarious, the whole thing- holiday party, song and all were ridiculous. And it felt so good to be able to laugh about it with someone who didn’t care. When Patrick finally stopped laughing he caught David looking at him looking slightly wistful. He frowned slightly and David shook his head. Patrick smiled, there were layers of the old David, and the old life he hadn’t got to yet and that was ok. 

‘Tell Alexis I need those pictures’ he said. 

‘How did you know she-’

‘Obviously she took pictures.’ 

‘She made one into a holiday card the next year.’ 

Patrick snorted again. ‘I want it framed’ 

David playfully hit him. ‘Your turn.’

‘Mine isn’t as funny. Though few things are’ he started giggling again. Then gained his composure. ‘Ok. Most embarrassing vomit story...I threw up during sex.’

‘Like during-during?’ David made a slightly obscene gesture to drive the point home.

‘Oh yes.’ Patrick said ‘During. Full flow. It’s no excuse but it was a case of some really badly cooked shellfish, but having finally, finally got the hottest girl in my economics class to go on a date with me I was determined to power through.’ 

‘At the risk of knowing too many specifics...did it...land on her? 

Patrick nodded. ‘Oh yes. In her hair. It erm’ he gestured ‘Landed on the back of her head from above.’

‘Oh so she was having a very good time until then’ David said a lot of mischief in his voice. 

‘I like to think so’ Patrick said ‘Though obviously the chance for a bit of follow up research was kind of killed in that moment’ 

David wrinkled his nose. ‘Were you at least in your room?’

Patrick shook his head ‘Nope. Hers. All over her bed, clothes...stuffed animals...books.’

‘Oh wow that is a LOT of vomit.’ 

‘Yes yes it was’

David smiled and leaned forward kissing him softly. Patrick felt his hands reaching up into his hair, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss. It was long and soft and unhurried, not leading anywhere, just being in the moment. Eventually they pulled back and smiled at each other. 

‘What was that for?’ Patrick asked. ‘Sharing my vomit story?’

‘Kind of’ David smiled. He’d never had anyone to share silly stories with before, and the thought of Patrick sharing his ridiculous college vomit story with him had warmed his heart to bursting point, and he’d needed to express it. He’d never had anyone share their stories, like really share their stories as Patrick did so readily, and he was slightly overwhelmed, but also incredibly content. 

‘Tell me something you’ve never told anyone’ he heard himself say. 

‘Is that your next question?’ Patrick felt a shift in the room, in David. 

‘Mm hmm’ he nodded. 

Patrick leaned against the sofa again. Thinking, he looked at David who was regarding him with an expectant, but content expression ‘Like what?’ he asked softly. 

‘Like anything’ David smiled, ‘Just something nobody else knows’ 

‘What like my secret shameful favourite movie? Or some deep dark family secret?’ Patrick searched his eyes to figure out where they were here. Silly party game or looking for something more. David did that sometimes, hid his truths in silliness to get away with not acknowledging them. 

‘Whatever you’d like’ David smiled, but with an earnestness Patrick now knew that he was longing for something a bit deeper. To give him permission to let something out. He considered for a moment, as much as it was easy with David, despite everything, despite David being David- because of it- some things he still wasn’t used to being so open about. 

Patrick took a breath. ‘Ok’ He said. ‘I was only coming here for a week originally.’

David narrowed his eyes, ‘I knew you were sort of passing through but-’ 

Patrick held a hand up then squeezed David’s arm. ‘I was just stopping over, because I crashed my car- badly- short version I was in Bob’s getting a quote for it to be fixed, and Ray was there, and well we know he likes to chat and he offered me a temporary job.’

‘Oh’ David looked confused ‘Ok well that’s cute I guess. The fates of automobile incidents bringing you here.’

Patrick squeezed his arm again and David looked at him, more confused. Patrick couldn’t blame him, he wasn’t making much sense. ‘I crashed my car about 5 or 6 miles out, in the middle of the day.’ He fixed his mouth into a slight grimace ‘Because I was drunk.’

David frowned. Tonight aside he’d never even seen Patrick drunk-drunk now that he thought of it. He was very much a ‘few beers with the game’ or ‘wine with dinner’ guy. ‘Why were you? I mean were you? Um.’

‘I’m not proud of it.’ Patrick said. ‘I was originally intending on going much much further away. Anyway, It wasn’t long after me and Rachel...well. And we’d had another argument over the phone while I was staying at a friend’s house....’

David hummed softly letting him tell his story, settling his gaze on him, listening, not interrupting. ‘It’d been a couple of weeks. I hadn’t been answering her calls. Then one night I did. Then I drank a lot, and decided to get out of whatever town I was in then and just drove and drove...and drank some more.’ He paused ‘It wasn’t deliberately self destructive but it wasn’t-’

‘Not self destructive’ David finished for him. ‘I’ve been there’

Patrick sensed he had, more than once. He shook his head ‘it was stupid. And I was lucky. Luckier still Bob asked no questions. I said I’d swerved for a deer. I’ve got no fucking clue if there’s any deer around here.’ he let out a long breath. ‘Anyway, until now nobody knew I ended up here because of a crashed car other than Bob and Ray. And neither of them know why I crashed it.’

‘Why did you crash?’ David frowned. ‘I mean if there was no deer? And it’s a straight road for like ten thousand miles’ 

‘I don’t know.’ Patrick said, ‘that’s the honest truth. One second I was driving along in a blur, next I was in a ditch. It just happened. It was stupid.’ 

‘I’ve done supider’ David smiled gently and kissed him, wrapping two arms tightly around his neck in the way he did when he really needed Patrick to know he was loved. He nestled his face into Patrick’s neck and breathed a few slow deep breaths. ‘Hey’ muttered Patrick into his shoulder. ‘You ok?’ ‘Mmm hmm’ he said, and felt Patrick snake his arms around his waist and rub up and down. They spent a moment like that until Patrick whispered ‘I’m ok though, I was ok.’ He felt David nod into his neck before he pulled back. He held him at arms length for a second checking in. He still couldn’t always read what would set David off, but he should have guessed abandonment - even pre meeting him- might do it. 

‘Ok?’ 

‘Ok’ David agreed, taking a long swig of wine. 

‘Your turn then. Tell me something nobody knows’ 

A pause and a mischievous grin on David’s face told him they were diverting from the serious again- probably for the best. David considered his story carefully, but knew they both needed the laugh. The other stories would keep. They had the time. The thought made him smile again. 

‘Sophomore year of college’ he began, ‘I was in New York already right? Well took a Semester off...and trained as a dancer.’ 

Patrick tried for a fraction of a second to keep a straight face for the sake of tact, but his face burst into a grin. 

‘It’s not funny’ David said. ‘I had a DREAM’ even he couldn’t stop the grin as he said it. 

‘Oh you did.’ Patrick said ‘Did it start at a Holiday Camp in the Catskills? Did nobody put Baby in the corner after that Semester?’ 

David shoved him ‘I thought you hated romcoms?’

‘Not Swayze.’ Patrick said deadly serious. ‘But are we talking like, ballet?’

‘Ballet, Tap, Jazz, Contemporary...all of it.’ 

‘I demand pictures’ 

‘Burned them. Erased them from hard drives. There is no pictorial evidence.’ 

‘I bet you were a beautiful dancer’

‘I should add that I was a very chubby 20 year old’ 

‘I bet you were adorable.’ Patrick said, sincerely, and then ‘In your leg warmers’

‘It was a look I rocked’ David narrowed his eyes and smiled, somewhat self-congratulatory. 

‘So um, what ended this dance career David Rose?’ Patrick said in mock interview tone, ‘Was it a terrible injury? Desire to be a choreographer?’

‘I decided to pursue other artistic endeavours.’ David said with a flick of his chin; ‘That and, they wouldn’t let me take semester two.’

Patrick laughed. Then put his hand on David’s knee. ‘Just so you know David. You can dance for me any time.’ David looked at him surprised, so he added ‘Because nobody puts David Rose int the corner’ and laughed. As did David. 

‘I really was terrible’ he added. Getting up, groaning slightly. ‘I need to pee, and I need more wine. In that order’ he went off to the bathroom leaving Patrick slumped back on the sofa. 

Patrick watched him go and was filled with a warm affection that was nothing to do with the obscene amount of alcohol they’d both consumed. He dragged himself up and went to the fridge and searched out a bottle of beer and another nearly-spent rose bottle. Figuring at this point David was in no mood to be fussy he brought it to the table to be ready when David emerged. 

In the bathroom, splashing his face with cold water, trying not to look at how tired he looked, David smiled to himself. This was, without doubt the best party, not only of High School, where the bar was admittedly low. But ever. 

‘Tell him then you idiot’ he muttered. Wiping his face and coming out into the living room. Patrick waved the wine at him. ‘Refill sorted’ he announced, sounding a little more slurred and tipsy than David remembered. Adorable in fact, sprawled drunkenly on the sofa. 

‘What are you grinning at?’ Patrick asked. 

‘Only the best after-party I’ve ever been to’ he said flopping back on the sofa. 

‘And you’ve been on yachts, with like, totally famous people.’ 

‘Wow you are quite drunk aren’t you?’

Patrick shrugged, ‘Little bit.’ 

‘Best party in fact’ 

‘Even if I kissed your sister?’ Patrick narrowed his eyes, unsure if the tease would land. 

‘Even if you kissed my sister.’ David shrugged ‘It’s not like you’re the first person we’ve both kissed’ 

‘Really?’

‘Josh Groban was very understanding when he found out’

Patrick shook his head, attempting to clear it. Some things were better left uninterrogated he had learned, but it did give him an idea for a more light hearted direction of late night chat, ‘Next question!’ he declared. ‘‘I’m going with a classic’ Patrick declared, downing the rest of his beer. ‘First kiss, who, what, when, where, why. Go.’

David wrinkled his nose and groaned, flopping into the pillow. 

‘Come on’ Patrick teased, ‘You’ve kissed like a thousand people’ 

David scowled at him. ‘You’re going to mock’

‘Undoubtedly.’ 

‘Yout know what I need another one of these.’ David downed a jello shot. 

‘No delay tactics.’

David sighed. ‘Ok fine. But this does not leave this room.’

‘I wish I could make you that sort of promise.’ 

David near enough growled. ‘I was 13. My friend Alisha was like a super horsey girl, so for her Birthday Party she rented out this like Pony Centre or whatever. We all had to have lessons riding the ponies, and like brushing them and braiding their tails and whatnot. It was me and like 16 teenage girls. Anyway the time came to like watch some ‘famous’ rider do some jumping or whatever and I was bored….I wandered back to the barn where there was this guy who worked there. He’d helped me get the pony’s saddle on earlier.’

‘Oh no.’ Patrick said. ‘You did not. With the STABLE-BOY.’

David held up a hand, ‘Ok firstly he was in High School and like super cute, before we get any gross ideas. Secondly he went on to be like a total horse-something champion’

‘You have no idea do you?’

‘None whatsoever’ 

‘Continue with your story. Which is not unlike a fair few erotic novels I might add’ 

‘So…’ David scowled, ‘I hung out with him for a bit, he showed me the fancy competition horses and his ribbons’ 

‘I bet he did’

‘And while we were petting his favourite horse in the paddock ...he kissed me.’

‘Aww David, it’s every pony girl’s dream come true’

‘It was actually. We played truth or dare later and the other little brats were SO jealous.’ He smiled triumphantly. ‘Sadly my roll in the hay ended there’

‘Wow, it’s like a classic High School movie.’

‘It really really is’

Patrick laughed. It would be easy to be jealous, suspicious even of David’s frankly ridiculous past. Perhaps at another time he would have been. And it wasn’t over confidence on his part- quite the opposite in fact- that stopped him. It was just a simple knowledge that the David of those stories was not a totally different person, but a different version of that person at least. 

‘Talking of perfect High School Stories’ David said with a smirk, ‘I bet yours is so cliche it’s adorable’ 

‘Oh it is’ Patrick said, sitting up straight again. ‘You are not ready for how straight up adorable and cliche High School this story is about to be.’ 

‘I am ready’ David said. ‘I may have a new vomit story shortly but I am ready.’ 

Patrick hit him with a pillow. 

‘It was Freshman year. First week of classes. Not to brag or anything but I’d just made the Baseball team, and you know chicks dig that’

‘Chicks? Dig that?’ David snorted. 

‘Anyway, I had finally plucked up the courage to ask Annie McAlister on a date. We went to this cheap ass Italian restaurant and then I drove her home. We kissed in my car outside her house.’

‘So that’s your move huh?’ David quirked his mouth up. 

‘That’s my move.’ Patrick shrugged. 

David leaned in and kissed him ‘It’s a good one’ he whispered an inch from Patrick’s face. He pulled back a bit but Patrick stopped him, grasping on to his wrist. ‘Just wait until you see me play baseball’ He kissed David again, harder, just to drive the point home. He felt David’s hands work their way up his neck and into his hair, pulling him in closer. They kissed for a long time, with no urgency, or leading to anything else. Just long moments of enjoying each other. Eventually Patrick pulled back. 

‘See this is why I had a High School themed party’ he kissed David again ‘The making out.’ 

David grinned. ‘Oh this is far better than High School’

‘How so?’

‘I know I’m going home with the hottest guy at the party’

‘Smooth David Rose. Smooth.’ 

‘I thought so’ David put his hands on Patrick’s shoulders and squeezed. ‘What do you say we go to bed?’ 

‘We each have a question left’

‘Ask me in bed’

Patrick could have melted at how hot that sounded. He stood up, pulling David after him. The questions quickly dissolved into the more monosyllabic kind…’Here?’ ‘Harder?’ ‘Like that?’ and soon after they passed into a drunken, yet satisfied sleep. 

The next morning Patrick found himself worryingly alert, worryingly early. Worrying in that he was sure the hangover was going to kick in later. Choosing to put it out of his mind he slipped out of bed leaving David sound asleep, and made his way to the cafe. Luckily the cool air was refreshing, and after the short walk, and the coffee he managed to drink while he waited for their take out breakfast, he was feeling pretty human by the time he got back. He clicked the door shut quietly. Enjoying for a moment the sense of peace that came with coming home to his own place. It had been so long since he’d felt like anywhere was really ‘home’ and even though it had only been a couple of weeks, this small flat was more home than anywhere had been in a long time. 

He set about unpacking the food and pouring the coffee into cups. 

‘We each have a question left’

‘Does it count if it’s not in the dark, drunken end of a party.’

David chewed his lip. ‘I’d say it counts more. Cold light of day and all that.’ 

‘You have any cold light of day High School parties you regret?’

‘All of them’ 

David was joking, but Patrick felt a pang of sadness as he gathered up the cups to take them over to the bed. He brushed it aside, not the time. ‘But you never had breakfast in bed after’

‘Well actually’ David began, ‘Sometimes Evalina the maid would-’

He was silenced by Patrick kissing him and handing him coffee. ‘And do not ever tell me if Evalina ever did that’ he said going back to the kitchen for the food. David smiled watching him go. Evalina certainly never looked as good in jeans and a sweater as that. As he scooted up in the bed he reminded himself just how lucky he’d got. 

They ate in quiet stillness, Patrick allowing David to steal bacon from his plate- having ordered extra, just so David could steal bacon from his plate. When they’d both finished he took the plate from David and set it on the bedside table. 

‘I have my final question’ Patrick said, ‘If you’re ready?’

David looked over at him. Serious and slightly brooding. And immediately something in his chest tightened. Something had gone wrong. Something was about to go wrong. He took a deep steadying breath. ‘Ok.’

‘Twist on the game’ Patrick declared a glimmer of mirth coming to his face. ‘You are going to answer, then I am going to answer for you. And the same for me.’

David furrowed his brow. ‘I don’t get it.’

‘You will’ Patrick said, kissing his forehead ‘And remember, truthful.’

David nodded, braced for what might be coming. 

‘What do’ Patrick began, ‘You wish people knew, that they get wrong?’ It felt like a risky question. One that could unravel. Or shut David down. But it also felt like the time and place to start opening some things unsaid. At least Patrick hoped he was right, for when it was his turn. 

David exhaled. It wasn’t that bad. Or was it. He started to panic. Was there something Patrick was trying to tell him? Or worse get him to confess? What was he doing wrong?

‘Is there something?’ he said ‘I mean like is there something you think I-’

‘David.’ Patrick cut him off. Hand on his leg. ‘Not what I think. What you think.’ Patrick reached over and took his hand. ‘I promise you this is about what you think. Truth or truth right. That’s the game. Don’t overthink it. What do people you wish people knew about you?’

David took a long moment. Thinking. The answer had come to him immediately but he couldn’t quite articulate it right. He felt Patrck’s thumb across his hand. And he exhaled. ‘Ok. Short version, that we had it easy...before all this. That we just ‘skate through life in really nice shoes’ as Alexis said, or whatever’ 

‘Nobody has it totally easy David’ 

‘No but if you come from where we did you either don’t talk about it or...people outside, people you know here even. And coming here, people think we were stupid rich people. Which, well we were but...they think it was easy and it...wasn’t always.’

‘Long version?’ Patrick had pieced together enough to know some of it, but he wanted David to tell him whatever he needed to tell him. 

‘How long have you got?’

Patrick shrugged, and squeezed David’s hand, ‘All day. All week. All year. As long as you need’

David raised his eyes to the ceiling, feeling something welling in his throat. He swallowed hard. ‘Don’t do that.’ he said ‘Don’t be that nice to me.’ 

Patrick waited. Didn’t move, didn’t speak, just waited. David tried to stay still for a moment but couldn’t. He jumped up out of bed. ‘I need more coffee’ he declared. 

He’d shed his ‘party pajamas’ for his usual T-shirt and having collapsed in a heap last night just his pants. Hurriedly he scrambled for some clothes, pulling yesterday’s ‘party pajamas’ back on, taking a clean t-shirt from his bag shoved under the bed and swapping his bed t-shirt for a clean one. He leaned down and his hand brushed something blue and soft under the bed. It was one of Patrick’s hooded sweaters, pale blue and a bit tattered, probably one of his gym ones. He squeezed it between his fingers, it felt soft and safe. He pulled it up. 

‘Can I?’ he asked, twisting and holding it up. Patrick was on his phone, pretending not to watch him get dressed. He nodded and shrugged. Trying not to make a big deal out of the first time David had borrowed anything of his. The hoodie was giant on him, but fit David like it was tailored, was that some kind of clothing magic? Patrick smiled to himself at the unfamiliar sight of David not in an ‘outfit’. David caught the look he was sure, but quickly spun around and crossed the apartment to the kitchen. He let him get on for a moment, clattering the coffee maker, locating cups. 

David leaned on the counter, breathing in the scent of coffee grounds. Really good ones, which made a change from the Motel. It felt good, grounding. Pardon the pun, he thought. And found himself clinging onto the counter a bit harder than he intended. It was a bit harder than he thought. He wriggled his hands inside the sleeves of the hoodie. Which was soft and smelt of clean laundry. He breathed it in. He watched the coffee gurgle for a second more and turned around.

‘It was on me a lot’ he declared. Patrick was across the room, midway through making the bed, he stopped, straightened up and went to step towards him. ‘No.’ David said, holding a hand up. ‘Stay there. Carry on. I’ll just…’ he gestured vaguely. 

Patrick nodded. Watched David fold his arms across his chest again, then turned back to making the bed. Slowly, methodically. 

‘You remember that game we played at the Baby Sprinkle? With the pills? I made that up when I was 12, Alexis was 9? 10? And that was one of the better times.’ he watched Patrick fuss with the pillows on his side of the bed then slowly move to the other side to do the same. ‘The thing is we probably didn’t even know the half of it when we were younger. And then when we got older it became my job to look after both of them- and i’m not saying it’s my Dad’s fault either’

Patrick felt himself hang on to David’s pillow a fraction longer than necessary, taking in the scent of him on it even though he was only across the room. 

‘These things are complicated, David’ he said. 

Putting the pillow down, straightening the covers, and pushing David’s bag under the bed, making a mental note to get some drawers for under there. He sat on the edge of the bed sensing David needed the physical distance for a few moments longer. 

He’d quickly realised, but was always warmed by, despite everything, David’s affection for his parents. They were a unique family for sure, but they were clearly a family. There was something wonderful about that. ‘Nobody sees what goes on behind closed doors.’ he added. 

David nodded and turned back towards the coffee, which was nearly done. He’d never had anyone ‘get’ his family like Patrick did. Even though they were clearly worlds apart from what he’d known as a kid, he somehow naturally gelled with them all, his easy way endearing them to him as much. 

‘Your Mom right?’ He heard Patrick say, and sensed his footsteps slowly crossing the room. 

He nodded; ‘She is as you know a woman of extremes.’ 

He felt Patrick behind him, just a bit away. Patrick paused a step back, unsure if David still needed him at arm's length. He watched him exhale a little. 

‘I just wish people knew it wasn’t always easy.’ he said ‘that I didn’t end up like this because I had everything easy’

Suddenly the penny dropped for Patrick. It wasn’t about the weird, likely dark times he’d had in his childhood- though no doubt that was a factor in many things. It was the fact David worried people thought of him as this drama-queen, or judged him on his past mistakes, or disregarded him based on his taste in clothes, or whatever he thought they thought, because he’d had it easy. When in fact it was the opposite. The fact that life had been the opposite made all those things who he was. Patrick took the two steps towards him and wrapped his arms around his waist from behind, head resting on his back. There was lots he could say right now, but it wasn’t the time. David had needed to say it, but that didn’t mean they needed to talk about it. 

‘How’s that coffee coming’ Patrick muttered into his back. 

David wiped at his eyes quickly. ‘Done. Yeah.’ he felt Patrick let him go, with a final squeeze and poured them both a cup, setting them down on the table and sitting. 

Patrick wrapped his hands around the mug as though it was freezing. A man who would drink hot tea even at the height of summer. 

‘Are you ready for mine?’ he asked after a moment. 

‘Mmm hmm’ 

‘The thing people get wrong about you is, they don’t see how smart you are.’ 

‘I’m really not. As many people have reminded me’

‘Hey. No arguing with the truth.’ Patrick insisted. He looked over at David who was looking down at the table now. ‘I hate it when you say you’re stupid. Or somehing you’ve done is stupid, because it’s just not true.’

David lifted his head frowning. ‘You really think I’m smart?’

Patrick shook his head, ‘Why wouldn’t I?’ 

‘Because, you’re you know Mr Numbers and forms, and business loans and ...inventory’ he shrugged, ‘When I first met you I thought you were telling me my business was stupid.’

‘I know.’

‘I’m going to kill Stevie’

‘But I wasn’t was I?’ 

David pouted. ‘No I guess not.’

‘And I wouldn’t have invested, helped you at and very unfortunately ended up falling in love with you if it wasn’t a good idea would I?’ 

‘What if you were blinded by love, and you can’t tell it’s all a terrible idea.’

‘David it may pain you to know that I didn’t fall in instant, blinded love with you the moment I read your business plan.’ He paused taking a sip of coffee ‘Or more accurately translated your business plan from several rambling, I now realised, slightly stoned, messages’

‘Again Stevie is dead.’ David sipped his coffee thoughtfully. ‘You really just thought it was a good idea?’

‘Yes.’ Patrick said totally seriously. ‘It might surprise you to know I wasn’t boyfriend hunting with a bonus side of business owning, it was the other way round.’ 

‘Bonus boyfriend’ David quirked a classic lopsided smile. 

‘Something like that’. Patrick raised an eyebrow over his coffee cup at him and David quirked a smile in return. 

A moment of silence sat comfortably between them while David thought about it. He smiled a wide smile at Patrick who returned it and for a moment they let it sit, slightly dopey and in love. 

‘Come on’ David nudged, softly poking at Patrick’s arm. ‘What do people get wrong about you?’

Patrick looked over sideways. He wasn’t quite sure how to put it. And a tiny part of him wondered if he should take the easy way out, say something silly. Make David laugh. But the mood had shifted. It might not be the dark early hours, but it was the time for honesty. ‘Weirdly the same’ he said, exhaling, ‘Sort of’

‘You helped keep your mother medicated, and getting to auditions for terrible films, while your sister ran off with a variety of unsuitable men and occasionally ended up on reality tv? And tried to stop your Dad from noticing the chaos because he was never home all while trying to shop away the pain?’ David blinked at him. 

Patrick laughed. ‘No, I can safely say I didn’t have that childhood.’ He reached over and squeezed David’s hand. Telling him he’d heard the truth in the sarcastic brush off. Again this was progress, he didn’t want to push. But, he could, he knew, give something back. He took another sip of coffee, considering what he was trying to say. 

‘I guess I meant ‘same’ as in people think it’s been easy.’

David frowned, genuinely confused now, ‘In what way?’

Patrick took a breath, ‘People in this town see me, with you. It’s all they know about me. And that’s good- that’s really good. But they see me, the self-assured, confident, happy Patrick with you and they assume, that’s how it’s always been. That that’s...me’ he paused, David was looking at him with a slight furrowed brow, eyebrows not quite meeting in his look of total confusion, but trying to piece it together. 

‘It’s not you?’ He asked.

‘No it is.’ Patrick knew he was going to struggle to articulate it. ‘Maybe in some ways it is more me than anything else, than I was. And that’s good, it is really good. But they think I’m one thing, and I’m not sure I am...or that I even know what I am...And I’m not. Fuck, I’m not saying this right’ 

David got it the second Patrick said ‘more me’. He knew. He swallowed and nodded. ‘No, no you are. I know.’ 

Patrick frowned, from that surely nobody could. ‘How?’ 

‘I know you.’ He said ‘And I know those...feelings’

Patrick frowned and shook his head partly trying to clear it. ‘I um…I’m sorry I don’t want you to think-’ 

David took the chance to rescue him. He’d had more practice at this after all. 

‘I’ve been proudly proclaiming to anyone who would listen- even my slightly perturbed Dad- since I was 15 that I was pansexual’ David said, ‘Before I even knew what it meant truthfully, I was out and proud, and yes, pretty loud’ he took a breath, as Patrick chuckled softly ‘But the inside didn’t always match the outside. I could say the thing. I did the thing- I did the thing a lot.’ he paused, wondering how much to make this about him. ‘I did the thing a lot because I was trying to figure out...what I already knew.’

‘Oh.’ Patrick’s eyes went wide and something inside him felt like it clicked into life. ‘Oh’

‘It’s like’ David said ‘I figured out the language before I knew exactly what the feeling was, and I figured out who I was around that.’ He knitted his brows together in a frown hoping what he said next was right, ‘You figured out the feeling first, without having the words.’ 

Patrick frowned, and David tensed ‘I mean I had the words, I understood what it meant to be...whatever.’

‘The words for you’ David said gently. ‘The way you talk to yourself about it, label yourself, just feel...inside. There’s a language for that which only comes with...feeling it.’ He sounded insane, he knew. This was how he’d always thought of it, but maybe he was wrong, maybe that was just his weird way of dealing with his own mess.

Patrick’s face softened and he seemed to go in on himself a little. He was absently playing with the coffee cup. Thinking. David let him for a moment eventually reaching out and touching the hand that held the cup.

‘It’s like’ Patrick cleared his throat, ‘I thought, you...us...was it. No wait sorry, I don’t mean not enough. I mean it was so easy. It made sense, everything, suddenly. And we worked and I thought you and I were enough to make sense of all of it.’ He felt it all well up inside him in the moment. Everything he’d been fighting with for months now. And he bit hard on his lip. ‘I don’t want to feel that’ he said, his voice feeling tight and high. ‘I don’t know how to explain to you that I don’t doubt us for a second, but sometimes I feel like to everyone else I’m ...pretending. I’m not ‘really gay enough’ or ‘bisexual enough’ or whatever...I don’t even have a label for it, and I feel like if I don’t have a label that’s also not good enough. And everyone thinks I am so good at this, so well adjusted and I ...sometimes don't’ know who I am.’

David let him take a breath. ‘Well firstly labels are for clothes and cleaning products’ he said and Patrick let out what could be a half laugh half cry he wasn’t quite sure. ‘I used to be big on labels until I realised I was only doing it to make a statement.’ he half smiled ‘And while I do love to do that, I realised it wasn’t helping, because labelling whatever I was, didn’t matter as long as I wasn’t sure what that meant...for me.’ he frowned, backtracking in his mind, ‘Did that make any sense?’

‘Weirdly, yes.’ Patrick said. 

‘We are.’ David said. ‘Enough I mean.’ Surprised at his own self assurance. He smiled a little lopsided grin and poked at Patrick’s hand to get him to look at him. ‘For once, without an ounce of ego I say that’ he quirked a little more of a smile, ‘well maybe a bit of ego’ he held on a bit tighter to Patrick’s cup and hand together. 

Patrick looked at him, his mouth twitching trying not to cry. This was harder than he’d thought, but he could see David had him. 

‘We are enough because, you don’t have to do the figuring out with people who don’t care about you. With people who will hurt you. With people who will forget you. You get to do all the figuring out with someone who cares, who will never knowingly hurt you, who even if you run off with some hot lumberjack one day, will never forget you. You get to do the figuring out with someone who loves you. And I promise you it will be ok.’ 

Patrick couldn’t speak. He leaned forward and wrapped his other hand around both of theirs and the coffee cup. Gripping just a bit too tightly. He spoke without looking up. 

‘It’s like, there’s me over here, now is the right me’ he began. ‘Right in a way I didn’t know existed. But it’s not who…’ he looked down at the table unable to quite say it. 

David waited. He knew exactly what Patrick was trying to say, but he knew he had to say it himself for it to matter. 

Patrick looked down at the table. ‘It’s not who I thought I was.’ he said finally. ‘And I guess I still have a hard time wrapping my head around what that means. And sometimes I wish I could say that.When people think it’s been easy’

‘You just did’

‘I’m sorry David.’ 

‘No.’ David said quickly, harsher than he intended, he got off the chair and knelt in front of Patrick pulling him around to face him, hands on his knees. ‘No Patrick don’t you ever, every apologise for wanting to say that.’

Patrick looked at him finally, ‘I don’t want you to think, I think any less of us, just because I sometimes struggle with the other stuff.’ 

David closed his eyes and smiled. ‘The thing they don’t tell you?’ he said with a quirk of an eyebrow, ‘No matter how many YA books you read about it, how many episodes of Doctor Who where the aliens don’t see Gender any more, no matter how many Huffington post blogs you read about gorgeous weddings...no matter how understanding your parents are…. we all struggle with the other stuff sometimes.’ David exhaled. It had been a while since he had admitted that either. Patrick reached out a hand to his shoulder and squeezed, leaned in a bit letting David take some literal weight. 

‘I wish we’d met sooner’ Patrick said. ‘To save you from all that and me from all this.’

David shook his head and smiled one of those perfect smiles of his ‘No.’ he said. 

‘No?’ Patrick asked, ‘Wouldn’t we both have been better off without all that? Wouldn’t you have preferred not to go through all that?’

‘While granted there are some things best erased from memory.’ David said standing up so he was in front of Patrick looking down. He rested his hands on Patrick’s shoulders. ‘We came into each other’s lives at the right time.’ 

Patrick frowned slightly but nodded. Maybe he wasn’t quite there yet. But he let David lead on that. He stood up, pulled David in and kissed him, softly, and pulled back nodding. David knew what he was saying, that it would still take time. But he also knew they had it. He kissed the top of Patrick’s head. 

‘Come on’ he said, and jerked his head in the direction of the bed. ‘I’m sure this hangover is going to kick in soon.’ 

Patrick chuckled. And though he felt fine, a long lazy morning- what was left of it at least- felt like exactly the thing he needed right now. He let David take his hand and lead him back to bed. Rounding up the coffee cups as they went. They settled in and Patrick opened his book, David laying at his side, he assumed dozing slightly. David on his side, Patrick on his back. Not quite touching in silence for a few moments. 

‘One more question left’ David said eventually. 

‘Oh yeah’ Patrick said. ‘Your turn I guess.’ 

‘Mine is really simple.’ David said softly, his voice sounded sleepy again already. 

‘Well good, because I’m not quite up to equations right now’ 

David didn’t laugh or offer a quip in return as he’d expected. ‘What do you want Patrick?’ he said softly. 

He paused, took a sip of coffee and considered. He looked over at David, wild hair and creased pajamas, curled up with his legs tucked under him, already somehow making a mess of the freshly made bed. 

‘This’ he said. 

David’s face did the thing where you couldn’t tell if he was going to laugh at you or cry. And for a terrible second Patrick wondered if he was all wrong. 

‘Your turn.’ he croaked, suddenly a lump in his throat he hadn’t felt forming ‘David, what do you want?’

David bit his lip, a tear forming in his eye. He would love to blame the impending hangover but he knew it was much more than this. Patrick was wide eyed and blinking at him, his face as ever betraying everything he was thinking, he looked scared. Despite his confidence, the assurance with which he steered David through every minor drama, there was a lot bubbling under the surface. 

‘This’ David said softy, ‘I want this’

Patrick smiled a smile that looked like he was fighting tears. Right on cue he wiped a sleeve across his eyes and nodded. ‘Good. Good.’ 

He lifted an arm and David scooted under, warm and reassuring against him. He went back to his book and coffee. Planting a quick kiss on top of David’s messy hair, feeling him squeeze his waist in return.


End file.
